Welcome to a free edition of Start Up To Grown Up: Your source for ideas, insights and tactics to take back control of your business and scale it sustainably and profitably by Heather Townsend, award-winning author of The Accountants’ Millionaires’ Club and Founder of The Accountants’ Growth Club
I saw the topic, and was bored.
Not another *** session on goal setting. I must have lost count of how many goal setting sessions I’ve delivered over the last 25 years.
But there I was, delivering yet another goal-setting session - one that had to be fresh and impactful, both for me and the small business owners in the room. No pressure then. And definitely no regurgitation of SMART goals. After all, who has ever been motivated after writing a SMART goal?
Traditional goal setting has a fundamental flaw. It requires you to be in a sound state of mind and relaxed so that you can properly identify what you really want. In reality, most small business owners do not have ‘sound’ minds all the time; our mental state is shaped by our experiences, particularly the recent years. And neither are we good at doing the ‘relax’ bit.
Take one of my clients as an example. Their business revenue exceeded £1 million, but profits, and therefore the owner’s income, were minimal. But when challenged the business owner was reticent to push harder as experience told them that nothing changed. So they played small. This is the problem for many small business owners who are trying to move from growing to scaling. Our bad experiences prey on our minds. They, particularly after a bad few years, can condition us to always think of the negatives. In this frame of mind, how likely are you to pick a punchy, motivating goal and go for it.
With this in mind I thought there has to be another way to surface a business owners’ passions and desires. Even if they are well hidden after a few years of being battered and broken.
Before you assume that only other people have these stories. We all do. These stories become our limiting beliefs and hold us back. For example, I constantly battle the thought that I couldn’t handle a business where people don’t report directly to me. This thought pattern has formed after a number of people with line management responsibilities didn’t work out. And what I really meant to say was it was a painful experience that I would prefer not to repeat.
How your brain works: The Elephant and the Rider analogy
Haidt, a psychologist, popularised the Elephant and Rider model¹ to explain simply how your brain works. Imagine your mind as an elephant (the emotional, subconscious part) with a rider perched atop (the rational, conscious part). The rider might believe they’re in control, but it’s the elephant’s sheer size and power that truly dictates the journey. Ignoring the elephant’s inclinations typically is fruitless. After all, if an elephant decides it is going in one direction, then regardless of what the rider wants the elephant is going in that direction. When your elephant is in the driving seat it gives you the energy to keep on going, even when stuff is tough. Research in behavioural psychology suggests that emotions play a fundamental role in decision-making and motivation². By acknowledging and aligning with your emotional "elephant," you can set goals that resonate deeply, ensuring both parts of your mind work harmoniously.
Given that our emotions actually dictate our decision making, it then makes sense to really examine our emotions to see what messages they are giving us. Then use these insights to set personal and professional goals that really align with your emotions.
The emotions that shape your goals
Let’s start with one that most people would rather not talk about: shame.
Shame: The weight you carry
Shame is a quiet, but very powerful emotion that can weigh on your mind without you even realising it. It can cause your brain to ruminate over and over again on a particular incident or topic. But worse still, it informs your inner critic that you’re not the kind of person who can scale a business, that people like you don’t make that kind of money, that you’re not the kind of leader who can build a great team. I know my shame tells me I should have a bigger business. After all I am an expert in scaling small businesses. So why haven’t I done it with my own business?
I see it all the time - business owners playing it safe, not because they lack ambition, but because they carry the weight of past experiences that tell them they don’t deserve more or are unable to do more. But here’s the thing: shame thrives in silence. When you acknowledge it, when you say out loud, “I don’t believe I can grow this business without burning out” or “I don’t trust myself to lead a team well,” you loosen its grip. In fact, any emotion when voiced aloud helps you loosen its grip on you.
It’s always worth asking yourself what are you ashamed of in business? For me? Not being able to grow faster and more profitable. And, in my head, making too many mistakes along the way. Then, ask yourself whether you need to explore the answer deeper. Is the answer to this question negatively impacting your future?
Excitement: Fuel to get you through the tough stuff.
Many small businesses owners are taught to focus on what’s realistic, what’s logical, who’s responsible. Anyone up for some SMART goal setting? (Yawn…) And while it’s important to ground your goals in reality, there’s a problem - without excitement, your goals won’t have staying power. Remember, you need to have the elephant motivated to have the momentum to move forward. Relying on the rider, i.e. logic and reason, will only get you so far.
A client of mine was torn between two possible growth strategies: one that felt realistic but rather dull and another that felt stretching. When we dug deeper, it was clear which one excited them - the one that stretched them. I could see it in their eyes and how they sat up just that little bit straighter. That’s the one they needed to commit to. Because when things get tough (and they always do), it’s excitement that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other.
Anxiety: Your message from the future
Anxiety gets a bad reputation. We’re taught that if something makes us anxious, we should avoid it. But anxiety is our brain projecting us into the future. It’s always future focused. In fact, our brain uses anxiety to keep us safe. Rather than viewing it as a nuisance, consider it a prompt for proactive planning. For example, if you’re anxious about cash flow, it might be time to revisit your financial strategies. Concerns about staff performance could indicate a need for better training or clearer communication.
A useful question to ask yourself when you feel anxious: What message is my brain telling me?
Jealousy: Clarity about what you really want
Most people try to suppress jealousy. After all, society has conditioned us that jealousy is a negative emotion. But jealousy is one of the clearest signals we have about what we actually want. When you feel that pang of envy towards a peer’s success, it’s worth pausing to ask why. Perhaps you are envious of a fellow business owner’s 4-day week? Guilty as charged!
Instead of dismissing these feelings, explore them. They might be highlighting aspirations you’ve suppressed or goals you’ve deemed unattainable. What is that they are actually telling you? For example, when I posed this question to a group of small businesses owners who had just come out of a really busy period, they talked about a more simplistic way of life. When we delved into this a little deeper it was a sign that they had been overwhelmed with too much for too long.
However, jealousy can be a false friend. Just because you feel a sense of jealousy doesn’t mean to say this is what you really want. For example, you may decide that your jealousy is suggesting that you need to go hard and scale your business to the next level. But the question is whether you really do want to do that. And what may you need to give up to get there.
So next time you feel that pang of jealousy, don’t push it away. Instead, interrogate it. What does that person have that you want? Do you really want it? What will you have to give up to get it? Or do you just think want it?
Relief: Where are you doing your duty?
Most people set goals based on what they think they should want. Or what others want from them. More clients. Bigger revenue. More staff. But what if success isn’t just about adding things? What if it’s also about removing things? Or doing things in a simpler way.
Relief is one of the most powerful emotions in goal setting, but it’s rarely used as a guide. Yet when I ask business owners, “What would make you breathe easier?” the answers are often the most revealing. Even writing this, I am now thinking about how much relief I would feel if I could cut my working hours down by 20%.
For some, it’s hitting a revenue target that allows them to stop saying yes to low-paid work. For others, it’s finally hiring the right person so they’re not constantly overwhelmed. If a goal brings genuine relief, it’s probably the right one.
Frustration: The nudge you need
If something or someone consistently frustrates you in your business, pay attention. Frustration isn’t random - it’s an emotional signal that something is out of alignment.
One of my clients was always irritated by the amount of time they spent on admin, yet they resisted hiring a PA or practice manager. Why? Because they’d convinced themselves they needed to be bigger before they could afford it. But I could see that this person would pay for themselves many times over within months if they would only just hire them. The frustration didn’t go away until they admitted that the real issue wasn’t the admin, it was a short-term lack of cash flow to afford the person. Once we tackled their cash flow they were able to hire their PA.
So when frustration shows up, ask: Is this a sign that something needs to change? And if so, what’s stopping me from fixing it?
Fulfilment: What really matters
Ultimately, success isn’t about numbers on a spreadsheet. It’s about fulfilment - building something that feels meaningful, sustainable, and authentic to who you are.
But fulfilment isn’t just about passion. It’s about designing a business that actually supports the life you want to live. Too often, business owners create a prison which traps them into working long hours.
When you set goals, ask yourself:
• What do I want my business to give me - beyond money?
• What kind of work makes me feel deeply satisfied?
• What would make this business feel truly worth it?
Final thoughts
Traditional goal setting assumes that logic drives our decisions. But as we’ve seen, it’s emotions that set the course.
If you want to set goals that truly resonate, stop ignoring the emotional signals. Lean into them. Your emotions already know what you want - your job is to listen.
Your actions this week
It’s time to make friends with your emotions this week. What frustrates you? What would be a relief to ditch? Who are you jealous of? What excites you about your business both now and in the future? What makes you anxious? As you ask yourself these questions don’t just accept the first answer, explore deeper. You may find these questions useful to journal on.
References
¹ Haidt, J. (2006). The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom. Basic Books.
² Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. G.P. Putnam’s Sons.
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